Have you ever noticed if you stare at your cat long enough, they sprout four extra legs and crawl around the ceiling? Mine just...wait, Scruffy is sleeping under the desk. So what's that....OH MY GOD GET IT OFF ME! DON'T READ THE WALKTHROUGH YOU TWIT, I NEED HELP! AAAAAAAH!!!!
This is perhaps the most glaring flaw in the game. Get used to this, constantly throughout the game, at the most random times, your party will be sent back in time mentally to witness the actions of three people you don't know. You've no idea who they are, what they're doing, where they are or why, but you're going to be forced to relive their misadventures for no apparent reason, even when a reason is excplicitly given it makes no sense.
TEMPORARY PLAYABLE CHARACTER - Laguna Loire
Look kiddies, it's Sandra Bullock! Laguna is everything Squall isn't, he's friendly, talkative and a dork. As refreshing a change as it is, I wish Laguna was more like Squall, he talks too much and mostly shows himself as a moron, good heart on the guy but he's a real dope. He's not unbearable though, and enough people liked him for him to get into Dissidia 012, where he has THE GREATEST ATTACK EVER. FF8 Laguna - lameass. Dissidia Laguna - badass. Laguna's Limit Break is Desperado. He chucks a grenade and swings from a grappling hook blasting enemies with his machine-gun. It's probably the coolest-looking Limit Break in the game, and hits all enemies for nice damage. You'll also notice that in a world of nunchuks, whips and Gunblades, Laguna is thus far the only character smart enough to use a gun. There's another one later.
TEMPORARY PLAYABLE CHARACTER - Kiros Seagill
Kiros is a rather uninteresting guy. His character page says he's "loyal to his friends and is always looking out for their well being". Friends are nice, but I've never felt so pathetically devoid of personality and ambition that I have to define myself through my friendships with others. "Hi, I'm Drake, I'm a loyal friend who cares about others....where's everybody going?" His only real role in the game seems to be to say lines to the effect of "Laguna, you realize what you just said sounds very stupid, right?" Kiro's Limit Break is Blood Pain, where he slices into an enemy multiple times with his strange punching daggers. It hits multiple times so it can rack up decent damage with a good strength boosting GF, but visually it's about exciting a Limit Break as Kiros is a character. I'll give SE credit though for picking a pretty neat weapon for the guy.
TEMPORARY PLAYABLE CHARACTER - Ward Zabac
Ward also has no personality to speak of, partially because he eventually loses his voice and can't speak. I've nothing against mute people, but it's hard to get attached to a guy when he gives me nothing to work with. This is the PS1, before we got facial expressions and decent-quality graphics to see them with, so basically the only time you'll know what Ward is thinking or saying is when other characters comment on it. Ward's Limit Break is Massive Anchor, where he throws his harpoon into the air and rides it down to attack all enemies. I'd ask why Ward is using a seven-foot harpoon as a weapon, but in a series where the armory includes harps, soccer balls and giant forks, a harpoon isn't the worst choice for battle. BTW, some may claim Ward is a Dragoon. Sorry, but I don't recall Kain attacking enemies with a giant boat anchor. You wanna be a Dragoon, Ward, then get a lance. I don't make the rules, that's just how it works.
Okay, apparently these guys come from a time when Galbadia is the good guy, and Esther is the bad guy. You don't need to equip these guys, they already have your Junctions. Just follow the path to the car and ride it to the city. Follow the road to the lower-right to the Galbadia hotel. Go downstairs and talk to the person at the front, then sit down. Some boring talking occurs, then approach Julia. After more boring talking, go upstairs and talk to the desk clerk. Now it's some much more boring talking until you wake up on the train.
....what the hell was that!?!?!? You won't find out for another two disks kiddies, and even then it doesn't make sense. Your party realize they all shared the dream and wonder what it means. Squall says "I dreamt I was a moron.....and then I woke up, but the dream kept going! AAAAAAAAAH!"
When you arrive in Timber, a guy approaches you and says "the forests of Timber sure have changed". This is the cue for the password "but the Owls are still around". But if you screw up all you get is a slight scene change, the plot still goes on as normal. You follow the guy to a train and board. Here, there's some talking about "the princess", you have to go wake her up. First, a card game. Watts is holding the Angelo card.
The problem is that if you challenge Watts, he'll want to mix Balamb's rules with Timber's. And this is the most bullshit part of Triple Triad, as if you'll remember which regions use which rules, and even if you do, when they say "combine rules", you have no idea which rules from this new region will replace the old ones. Fortunately, there's a way around this. Challenge Watts, and when he offers to mix rules, decline. Do this over and over, and about the ninth time you do this he'll just drop the mixing rules bit and play with Balamb's rules straight up. Trust me, this will save you a lot of trouble in the long run, because some regions use very complex and difficult rules, but Balamb's are much simpler. Don't forget too, you now have that awesome "All" rule following you around, as I said if you don't mix rules you can keep "All" for most of the game, and I assure you, it pays off big time.
Once you've gotten the Angelo card, head up the stairs, go down the hall. Use the save on the way if you wish until you get to the bedroom. You meet the woman from the ballroom dance! And now we get to name her and her dog, because apparently her mutt is on-par with our GFs and main hero in importance.
PLAYABLE CHARACTER - Rinoa Heartilly
Rinoa is the love interest. She's clingy and whiny and childish and just plain stupid...I guess when you're as icy as Squall, you need someone as relentless as Rinoa to break through. I mean, Zell and Selphie are dumb, but they have common sense. Rinoa seems to have a habit of wandering off and getting herself into trouble because she doesn't know any better. You'll see by the end of the disk. Rinoa's Limit Break is Combine, which lets her do special attacks with her dog Angelo. The attack is random, so this sucks. Later she gets a second Limit Break, Angel Wing, which Berserks her so she only does magic, and boosts her magic power dramatically. Her spells are super-strong, and you can set up her spell stock carefully so she only has two or three spells to choose from, so you have some control over what she uses. She's not my cup of tea, but use her if you like her.
Worst. Train hi-jacking. Ever.Edit
Alright, so now the Owls take SeeD to their hideout to discuss their plan. It seems the President of Galbadia is on a train to...they never say really. And we're going to kidnap him. Don't tell me, I know this one, we sneak aboard the train, take out the engineer and commandeer the train, and then work our way through the cars one by one, taking out the guards as we go....wait, that's not the plan? So what is.....oh geez. Seriously, this plan is far too complex and stupid and needlessly so.
The plan is that the Forest Owls have manufactured a near-perfect duplicate of the president's private car, don't ask me how they know what it looks like, and it's at the front of the train. They'll ride along the president's train with theirs, Squall and the gang will jump onto the president's train and uncouple his car from the one in front of it. The Owls' train will switch tracks in between the cars, with the copy car in front of their engine and the real car attached behind them. Lost yet? I am. Then they'll uncouple the president's car from the one behind it, and their engine, towing the car, will escape off a switch track while the president's train continues of with the dummy car.
...yeah, what the hell? This plan is so moronic it's hard to know where to start. Do they really need SeeDs for this, all they're doing is jumping on a train and entering keycodes, Rinoa comes along so obviously they don't need SeeD. And SeeDs are trained mercenaries, why not just have them go in and hack and slash the guards? You spend most of the game beating up the Galbadians, why are they such a big problem now? As complex as the plan is, it boils down to this - you'll have to input sets of four button commands within a time limit. If only the plan as a whole were so simple...
Anyway, go back to Rinoa's room now and pick up "Pet Pals Vol. 2" from the couch, and save your game. Talk to Watts to begin the plan. If you complete the mission without getting caught, your SeeD rank will rise, but even if you fail a quick thirty-second quiz from the menu will raise it anyway. Seriously, you basically never buy anything in this game except for Tents and Phoenix Downs, and even then you can get money just by running around.
Secret Zombie PresidentEdit
Okay, watch the scene and run when prompted. There are guards who are supposed to catch you, but if you just bolt you'll run right by before they can react and see you. At the end of the car push down to descend, at which point Rinoa will give you the four keycodes. Input them to detach the cars. Zell and Selphie will warn you if a guard is coming, in that case push Up to go back up and wait until the guards leave, then go back down and continue. When you get all four codes entered there's another scene. At the end you have to again run to the end of the car and enter codes, but this time Zell and Selphie aren't there to watch for guards. Use the shoulder pad to scroll the scene over and watch for them yourself, and just go back up if they come.
After the next four codes and a scene, you're back on the Owl command car ready to have a "talk" with Deling. Squall will explicitly tell you "equip your GF", and you should because somehow everyone has been de-equipped. I have no idea why, but at various and sometimes random intervals the game will just strip you of your GFs, forcing you to allocate them again. It's a real pain. Equip your party, then go down the hall and save.
|Final Fantasy VIII Walkthrough by Drake Clawfang|
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