Dear Space Monkies I, BlueHighwind have a quandary: if the opportunity presented itself would you go gay for Sephiroth? Think about that seriously now. If you're a girl I do hope you're willing to go lesbian for Tifa, every man needs his fantasies after all.
Chocobo Racing[]
Now that Dyne is dead, we cut immediately to the offices of Mr. Coates, which happens to be one of the coolest names I have ever heard. Paging Mr. Coates. May I speak to you for a moment, Mr. Coates? Mr. Coates. Mr. Coates. Mr. Coates. It rolls right off the tongue. Barret tells Mr. Coates that Dyne can't speak and demands to go back up. But to escape, we first must win a Chocobo Race. Good thing some broad named Ester is going to be our manager. She'll take 50% of our profits for herself, 30% for marketing, 20% for licensing, and another 10% for travel expenses. A crafty one, she is.
When you reach the top of the elevator, grab the red Materia in the corner of the jockey room. This is the Ramuh Summon. Ramuh is the thunder god, equivalent to Shiva and Ifrit. Before the race, Ester will teach you how to race a Chocobo. But she's not your Walkthrough writer, I am. Don't listen to her, just read this.
Chocobo Racing is a race. That should be pretty obvious. You and a several other Chocobos of various colors are racing around a single lap of the track. But it's not as simple as "go fast = win". The faster you go (
makes you speed up, 
makes you sprint your ass off) the more stamina your Chocobo uses off that little red meter to your left. When you run out of the stamina, you're fucked. The Chocobo will just walk slowly for the rest of the race. So that means you have to slow down with 
. The game gives you the option to let the Chocobo run Automatically. Don't use it. As soon as that race starts, hit SELECT and switch to Manual. A great trick is to hold down the shoulder buttons so that your Chocobo slowly restores Stamina. Don't go too crazy with the stamina consumption, but don't be too Conservative either. You should be the clear winner for the second two-thirds of the race. If you lose, you'll get a better Chocobo next race with more Stamina. Lose again, you get a better Chocobo. This will continue until the end of time, so there's no way you can possibly fail at this.
For winning you get to hear an ultra-classic 8-bit version of the Victory Fanfare, and the owner pardons you and your friends. He even goes so far as to give a freakin' tank for help exploring the Planet. The Buggy gives us the ability to drive over rivers. Dio goes on to mention that he met with Sephiroth, and they had a nice meeting. Somehow the idea of Sephiroth being friendly with somebody feels surreal to me, but I'll accept it since Dio tells us where to go next. For now we're going to ignore that, because there's lots of fun to be had going back and finding Enemy Skills.
Enemy Skill Hunt[]
Now that we have the Buggy, transportation is made much easier as you can travel straight to most places without having to go through troublesome dungeons. You can also transport it back to the Eastern Continent via the Cargo Ship. Speaking of which, we have Enemy Skills to find.
- Probably the best defensive spell in the game outside of "Cure" and it's stronger versions. Cait Sith is actually useful for once. When he joined the party, he came with a Control Materia. When you equip this, it gives the "Manipulate" command, which allows you to take control of an enemy and use their attacks. This is the only way that you can get them to use defensive spells on you, such as the one mentioned in this section. Head back to the beaches around Costa del Sol, and look for an enemy called Beachplug, an ugly squid-like creature that oddly weak for such a great spell. "Manipulate" it and make it use "Big Guard" on your party. It gives Haste, Barrier, and MBarrier to your entire party for a good chunk of MP. That's insanely useful. Just use this for every Boss Fight for now on.
- Once you have Big Guard, drive down the deserts around the prison we escaped. Walk around the sands until an enemy called Harpy appears. This creature is a mutant kimaira of several creatures with wings and three heads. Since "Aqualung" is a very powerful attack, using "Big Guard" at the start of the battle to limit the damage is a good idea. "Aqualung" is really the only Water-elemental spell in this game, so it's good for desert creatures and Fire monsters. It hits all foes for heavy damage.
- Drive your Buggy into Costa del Sol, then take the Cargo Ship back to Junon for 100 gil. To leave Junon, simply talk to a man with a helicopter who will ferry you out of the city. When you leave, your tank will be there. For now, wander around Junon until a large owl-like creature appears named Zemzelett appears in battle. "Manipulate" it so that it uses "White Wind" on your party. This spell restores HP to your entire party equal to that of the caster's current HP. It also heals all status effects, so it can easily turn the tide of battle when used in tight spots.
- Remember Midgar Zolom? HAHAHAHA!!! The tables have turned now, haven't they? We're far stronger then we were back the last time we came by here. Level two spells, Summons that can deal real damage, heavy Enemy Skills, "Big Guard". This guy is fucked. He's only as strong as an Easy Boss to us now. REVENGE!! While you're paying him back, you can easily learn "Beta" this time around.
While you're on this continent, use your tank to cross a river North of Junon. Drive around the mountains until you find a cave in a ditch. In here is a man in a cave who may or may not tell you how many battles you've fought. What you need to do is have fought so many battles that that number has the same two final digits. For example: 99, 122, 333, etc. If he doesn't tell you, just go and fight a battle outside, then go check. It can't take more than ten fights. Walk back in to get a Bolt Ring. This Accessory nullifies Lightning damage. You can also find a Mythril here, which you can trade for Aeris's ultimate Limit Break at a house near Gongaga, but it's a waste of time. Unless you're really trying, you won't be reaching any Level 3 Limit Breaks on the first disc, let alone Level 4. Aeris won't even be in your party long enough to warrant getting this thing.
Gongaga[]
Technically this entire town is optional, but I don't skip places where treasure, money, equipment, and EXP can be found. Especially when there are bosses to be fought. Gongaga looks like a pile of trash in the middle of a forest South of the desert below Gold Saucer. Outside of that forest is an frog named Touch Me who can teach you the Enemy Skill Frog Song. It turns your characters into Frogs. But since I never found that spell to be of any use, you can skip it.
Upon entering Gongaga, you'll run into the Turks in the middle of a fanboy debate over who is the best female in the game. Rude likes Tifa because he's got taste. We never do find out who Reno likes, which continues to haunt me to this day. Elena is clearly into Tseng, but she runs off before the fight starts.
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Strategy: This fight is really easy, though it can be tricky to get the maximum amount of treasure from it. These two have pitiful HP, and no interesting attacks, so it would be difficult if not slightly impossible to get a GAME OVER. You only have to defeat one of them to make them retreat and win the battle. Each character drops an item. Reno drops a Fairy Tale, a great weapon for Aeris, while Rude just drops an X-Potion. You can try to take both of them out at the same time, only it's tricky. Hit them with your best Summons, while focusing slightly on Reno. When Reno falls, finish Rude off before his next turn. Then you'll get both items, and the most Gil and EXP possible. | ||||||||||||||||||
One of our more perceptive party members notes that the Turks knew that we were coming. We have a rat in our outfit! Who is the cheese eating bastard? I bet it's Cait Sith, just because he's so terrible. Cloud, on the other hand, trusts everybody, but I cannot comprehend why. Well, we're at a fork in the road now, I advise that you head right, after Saving your game outside first, of course.
This is the ruined Reactor. Home to a weird triceratops-shaped robot named Heavy Tank. It has a little bit of a punch, but nothing too horrible. I only mention it because it's one of my favorite enemies in the game. As you walk forward in the heap of metal, Shin-Ra arrives in a helicopter. Cloud hides instead of standing to fight. Hmm, it's Scarlett and Tseng alone together in a secluded place. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? MM-hmmmm... Scarlett is after a Huge Materia to create the ultimate weapon. Tseng hasn't seen any, but will keep his eyes out for big Materias. And that's that. They just leave without even kissing. Examine the ruined Reactor a tad to right of the middle until you notice something shiny. Reach back to find a Titan Materia. Titan is the half-naked, muscle brain who is the Summon of the Earth element. I believe he might be a little stronger than Shiva and Ifrit, but not by much.
Return to the fork from the beginning, and this time head left. And we come to... another fork! Let's head right. Now we're in the the town of Gongaga, which somehow makes Cloud say "a ruined Reactor" (oopsie!). Go up to the house in the Northwest corner to find an X-Potion. This also doubles as a cheap Inn, only 80 Gil per stay. Sweet! Then go to the North-most stone house. In here is a White M-Phone, a useless weapon because it's for Cait Sith. Go South to a final house that has no items. But it does have an old couple looking for their SOLDIER son, Zack Fair. Cloud has never heard of him, but with Cloud's memory they might have been best buds, you never know. If Tifa or Aeris are in your party currently, they will both remember Zack, and run off. Talking to them will make them like you more. Ignoring them will make them mad at you. Tifa will deny knowing Zack at all, while Aeris mentions that he was her boyfriend. Good thing he's out of the picture now, so that Cloud can mosey his way right into the hole in her heart. She gives a choice, saying that you're jealous makes her like you twice as much as saying "Poor guy". But it's the difference between one point and two, so don't go think this is anything special.
Since Gongaga is a town, it has shops worth using. The Materia Shop has a Time Materia, that teaches "Haste". You can ignore the other spells it holds. There's also a Weapon Shop, where you can buy a Diamond Pin for Red XIII, and that's really it. When you're done here, leave the town. Return to that second fork, and head left this time. As you go up, look to the right side of the road for a yellow Materia. This is the Deathblow Materia, it gives a high chance of critical hits. When you leave the screen from up here, you leave Gongaga. Now we can continue our worldwide hunt for the man in black.