Hey there, once again it's Hamfruitcake with part 8 of my wonderful encyclopeadic knowledge. Been watching Pixar films today, Monsters Inc and Up to be exact. Up makes you laugh and makes you cry and makes you laugh a couple more times, it's the pinnacle man! Not as good as Wall.e though... Nothing is though.

It's called... Gizamaluke's Hideaway? Edit

As you enter Gizamaluke's Grotto the place is a complete mess, there are dead bodies at the entrance much to Freya's dismay. It’s pretty grim; there are scorch marks on the stone and Freya immediately turns on Vivi who Zidane assures it wasn’t anything to do with him. We march ahead.


Go down the right path to talk to the dying soldier; he’ll give you a bell which you can ring as you go towards the door at the top of the screen. This is basically to give you the idea of what you’re supposed to do ahead. The bell will shatter in your hand giving you the sense there are more bells to come. And no turning back, unless you really want to...

As you go through you see the black mages killing some more soldiers and also the Russian Twins are on the prowl, they send some black mages to attack you since they don’t know who you are... they are just in an indiscriminately killing mood. Which is a bit rude considering we beat all of their black mages but I digress. The mages aren’t too strong and have incredibly low leveled magic; not a problem. Zorn and Thorn acknowledge your great power and run away screaming. Go under the bridge and attack the black mage who is wandering around. You will receive a bell for it. I like going to the door to the right rather than the central door; you can then go around the room and collect some Mythril Gloves and a Magus Hat which if you equip to Vivi he will learn Slow.

Now you will find a Moogle who has just gotten married and her husband is now trapped under a giant bell. The moogle is obviously very distressed and starts asking for help, until she smells a Kupo Nut on Vivi and quite manically asks for it. Now that is one strong moogle! The husband immediately throws the bell off upon smelling the kupo nut and does a victory lap around the room... You’ll find a chest with a bell in where the other big bell used to be. Use the bell to go into the room to the right. You’ll find the married couple sitting in a little room; aww they’re so cute!

Talk to Mogmi and give her her letter, which is basically describing how good you are once more, regarding the festival of the hunt. I would use a tent before saving since the next fight is a tough cookie. As you leave Moguta will give you a Holy Bell, also saying one of my favourite lines uttered by a moogle in this game “I’m kupo for kupo nuts!” Yes I am a sad individual but I don’t care... it’s adorable! Use the holy bell on the door to the left and prepare yourself for a meaty boss battle.

Boss Battle : Gizamaluke
HP: 2500
Steal: Ice Staff, Magus Hat, Elixir
Attacks Silent Voice, Crash, Water

This battle is quite simply hard, no matter how you toss it. Especially if you hanker for the Ice Staff which is incredibly useful at this point in the game and I urge you to try your best to get it. Immediately use Mighty Guard with Quina, Focus with Vivi and cast Thunder and Jump with Freya, steal with Zidane. The main issue with this guy is it will counter any magic with Silent Voice so make sure you have plenty of Echo Screens for Vivi. This guy has a decent amount of strength behind his Crash move which can take up to 200HP off so keep your HP topped up with Quina and Freya throwing Potions. Always keep Vivi focussing if you’re holding out for that all important Ice Staff. A Shift Break from Zidane and you’ll be laughing.

South Gate Edit

Now we have a change of scenery and Steiner is approaching a big gate with a hefty sack on his back. Wonder where the princess could be... you don’t think?

A comedy duo named Biggs and Wedge (short and tall guards? Pah!) ramble away to him as they check his sack which has some awful smelling pickles in and let you go on your way.

South Gate

Once inside there is a Multina Racket to the left and then talk to the strange blue man to the left by the gate. You’ll have the option of killing him but you get kicked in the back by your sack. Shame. Then talk to the guy to the right of the entrance. Steiner will then tattle on the freak you nearly killed. Now talk to Part Time Worker Mary (remember her?) and affirm her reason for living then she’ll run off to flirt with Jobless Jeff. Wedge will then shock you and apprehend you, then give you a Gate Pass and back away from the pickles. Then we have a moral dilemma as the princess rustles out of her clothes. You’ll now be able to control Dagger who runs around quite daintily; go take the Potion from the chest, pick up anything you need from the shop. Grimo the moogle will have a letter to deliver to Nazna, and here I thought all moogles had names beginning with M; never mind... Save and hop on board. Flirty Part Time Mary will dash on board and flirt with Steiner and there will be a short conversation and we’re back with Zidane’s team.

The Rainy City Edit

As you come out of the grotto you can visit a small gate which will have a small dialogue revolving around Quina and his ability to do whatever he likes without thinking; when Freya wonders whether she should adopt this philosophy Zidane tells her it’s not really intentional... You can find chests with a Tent and a Hi-Potion in them at the at the door of the gate.

Just follow the cliff face around and you’ll eventually find Burmecia; the hint is when it starts raining. As you enter Freya becomes a bit overwhelmed; of all the places in this game, this place does actually feel the most dramatic... Which is appropriate since it’s been destroyed by war and it actually has some pretty heavy scenes inside. So yeah; enjoy the amusing anecdotes and witty replies ahead. Come back outside and examine behind the wheel barrow to find Cancer and head on through. There are a range of difficult enemies, so keep your HP topped up. But if you have Vivi and his Ice Staff it shouldn't cause too many issues with the ever useful Blizzara.

Realm of Eternal Rain II

Cancer can be found behind the fallen wheelbarrow in this scene.

As you come to the Balcony in the next screen Zorn and Thorn will sic some more black mages on you. After the fight go up the stairs to the right and pick up the Soft behind the stairs; go up them and try to open the chest in the foreground, which turns out to be a Mimic. They give good EXP and a good amount of money so enjoy fighting it, just throw everything you have at it. Go through the door and past the double doors, the floor will cave in as you try to walk on it. Go back outside and into the house to the left. Pick up another Soft and a Potion from the chests and then go up the stairs; you’ll find another Mimic to fight in the chest in the foreground.

Now go out onto the balcony and into the bedroom in the room opposite. You'll find a dying Burmecian who will tell you the bell is by the bed. Go around the other side of it to find the Protection Bell. There is also an Ether on the left side of the room behind the bookshelf. Now go back the way you came to where the double doors were that we ignored initially and the bell will open them for you. There’s a short scene where a guy called Dan will yell at you then run off yelling about protecting his family and not caring about the King, he also upsets Vivi... I don’t like him... Go to the top of the stairs to get to the next area.

Go to the entrance underneath the balcony and save Kal and Wei from being crushed and this will allow you to go upstairs outside and into the entrance on the far left. To your right you’ll find two chests with a Tent and Phoenix Down in and proceed along the walk way to find another mimic chest to the right of the big door in the middle. You’ll be in an area with some little huts in and fountain in the middle. The one on the left contains a Mythril Spear for Freya which will teach you Reiss’s Wind giving you regen for a couple of turns, it’ll be handy for the upcoming battles. In the right hand hut there will be a moogle and chest to back of the room with a Lightning Staff. I highly recommend you finish learning Blizzara before you start on Thundara as Blizzara is much more effective in the next few areas and Thundara is pretty useless... Stiltzkin will also appear selling his wares, wow, it’s getting quite cosy here buy his items and give Atla his letter, in return he’ll give you a letter for Monev and another Kupo Nut, also help yourself to the Mogshop replenishing you itinerary stocks. Rest up in a tent and save to prepare for the next area.


Up the stairs and you’ll reach a dead end; of course this will cause no issues for Freya who leaps into the air and scales a 20ft statue, unfortunately black mages and Qus can’t jump very well but Zidane doesn’t care and leaves them to it anyways. Poor Vivi!

Now we get to see Beatrix and Brahne. We are allowed a short reminiscence into Freya’s past, a lost lover who mustn’t have loved her that much if he buggered off around the world... but I digress. Who is that effeminate pale person conversing with the Queen and her knight? I honestly thought when I first played this game he was a girl... There are some people who still insist he is... that is until Brahne refers to him as otherwise. There will also be talk of attacking Cleyra, sounds ominous.

Why do they all just know from that distance he’s a he? He’s dressed like a girl... can’t deny the quality theme tune in the background. Then your team leap into action to save a foolhardy Burmecian knight, and you will have the pleasure of taking on the formidable Beatrix.

Boss Battle : Beatrix
HP: -
Steal: Mythril Sword, Chain Plate, Phoenix Down
Attacks Shock, Thunder Slash, Stock Break.

What more can you do here other than keep your HP up and hope for the best? You can pray for her to be struck by lightning but apart from that your chances of beating Beatrix are nigh on impossible. Try your best to steal her items; chances of getting the mythril sword are slim. Use Mighty Guard and Reiss’s Wind and attack and focus with Blizzara. Thunder Slash will kill one of your characters so have those Phoenix Downs ready and ensure when Quina isn't attacking he's throwing a healthy supply of Potions. My advice would be to keep Freya out of the battle field with Jump but you will need her Reis's Wind topped up everything 3 rounds so keep count. There's no real way of beating Beatrix so just wait for the end.

When Beatrix gets bored she will use Stock Break and leave your party sniveling on the floor begging for mercy.

Kuja will stand over your defeated party and then mount his fluffy white dragon and glide toward the horizon.

Thus ends Disc 1. Hope you're not too sore from getting your arse handed to you by a woman with an eye patch. See you on the next page.

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