Space Monkies, due to the recent explosion of an annoying trendy fad, I, BlueHighwind have decided to do my part in fighting global climate change. Yes, the intro is going GREEN. Isn't it wonderful? I'm sure with this new, environmentally freindly intro, my carbon footprint will drop dramatically. Unfortunatly, my feet are carbon-based, so I guess that means I'll have to lose them.
Tower of Zot (Continued) Edit
When you go up to the next floor, you should notice that the floor has a filled map. Yup, no enemies up here. In fact, I'm happy to say that we are officially past the point of any more battles with that friggin' Ice Lizard. Make sure Tellah does not have anything on when you talk to them. Also, give him two Augments, it doesn't what they are as long as they're not Dualcast, Cry, or Tsunami. Go to the Golbez and Kain when you're ready.
After Cecil gives up the Earth Crystal, Golbez does not let Rosa free. BIG SURPRISE THERE! And I thought Golbez was the trustworthy sort, didn't you? Well, Tellah decides to jump in for revenge. What follows is a scripted battle against Golbez with Tellah all alone throwing all kinds of heavy Black Magic. In the end he uses "Meteor", proving that Tellah can be a stronger fight - just not when he's in the party. And to my surprise, "Meteor" does not blow up the Planet and allow Sephiroth to take over the universe. Though it would have been cool if it did.
Golbez seems to die in battle, but after the fight you see he's A-okay. Fake Death Count: 5. Tellah isn't, nor is Kain to my surprise. Turns out that either Meteor has an affect on mind control, or Golbez isn't very good at it, because Kain is back to normal. Golbez starts to move forward to defeat his enemies, but then stops for no reason. Cecil is somebody, that's the only reason why Golbez pulls an "Exdeath" and walks away laughing maniacally. However, before we can continue Tellah has to say his final words, though the words of an old fool mean less than nothing to me. Though Tellah is willing to admit that his quest for revenge killed him, he gives us the task of avenging Anna. Nice. Revenge is bad, go get revenge. That makes perfect sense. Cecil decides to go avenge Tellah and Anna afterwards, showing he's learned nothing from today's lesson. After he dies, an Augment sparkle appears. If you forgot to give Tellah his Augments, you'll only get Recall, which is worthless as always. But if you gave him the two, you'll also get Last Stand, which increases your Defense while in critical HP (not too nifty), and Fast Talker. Fast Talker is the real dope. That will decrease the load time of spells two fold. I have a person in mind for this one.
Go over and talk to Kain, who will lead us to where Rosa is being held up in an S'n'M pose. Did Kain hit that at all during her captivity? No. A good scene, which should have happened but didn't because this game can't have good scenes, would have been Kain trying to force Rosa to marry him. Yes, his jealousy for Rosa overwhelms Kain's senses, turning him into a figure of darkness forcing Rosa into his bad. A tortured soul, ready to do something horrible before suddenly Kain realizes how far into evil he has sunk, but will continue to feel guilt forever for hurting Rosa. He then turns his spear upon his own throat before Rosa tells him to stop, and he continues to fight alongside the party, but will he ever find peace?
No, none of that ever happened. In thirty seconds I thought up a story better than this game's entire plot put together. So I'm going to drown my hatred for this plot by having fun in gameplay. With Kain and Rosa in the party, move their equipment around. Rosa can use a Gold Hairpin and that Great Bow with whatever arrows you want. Teach Kain "Cry" because I find big, powerful Kain weeping like a baby adorable. Its also a pretty useful move. He should go in the back row for now. With that, start to move to being a boss fight. The third member of Golbez four Elemental Nutjobs wants to fight.
As I said once in my FFI Walkthrough, Barbariccia is the sexiest member of the Elemental Nutjobs. Exactly why everything must be judged by its sexiness is beyond me.
Start off by using "Cry", do that for every boss from now on. Barberann thinks that the best offensive is a good defense. Here's the thing, she's going to counter every attack you deal. "Lightning" is what you get if you try to physically attack her, it will deal something like 300 - 500 HP damage to everybody. "Maelsteom" is what you get if you try to use offensive Magic, which will bring your whole party down to critical. So don't use "Slow", instead use Spider's Silk instead. Her only attack to your own actions is a physical attack. Rosa is the only one who is in danger of really being hurt by this, so "Cover" her. However, enemies with counter attacks can be dealt with easily when you simply use Yang's triple-"Focus" strikes. They can easily deal over 4000 HP in damage. That's a good third of the way you need to go! However, Yang might miss, which really can piss me off. Barberann's only other trick is to turn into a tornado. You can't attack her in this form at all, except for Kain's "Jump". That bit of damage will return her to her normal form, and you won't get a counter in return.
This shouldn't be too much of a problem. Just wait, things are about to get a lot worse.
Barberann dies thinking she can pull a Cagnazzo and take a few of us with her by destroying the Tower of Zot. Too bad Rosa makes the save by teleporting us to her favorite place in the world - Cecil's bed. Too bad it doesn't matter, because Golbez has all four Crystals. We lost. Oh, wait, looks like there's another four Crystal out there. So its down to the underworld with us.
Before we can go down to Hades, there's still a few things to do up here in the land of the living. You should remember that I mentioned something being "too difficult" two pages ago during our first flights around the world. Well, now that we have a party that doesn't suck, we can take care of it. On the Southwest island, there should be a brown castle around here. Oh, and take a look at the big tower growing out what appears to be a giant oil puddle. Cool huh? Yeah, that's not the path to the underworld, so forget it. Outside the castle, put Cid in the back because I don't like him. Also, give Kain the Flame Shield. Kain is going to be taking point soon anyway, so you should get him familiar with the front row. I also always make sure that Kain is the man that appears on the World Map. Fix it with .
This castle is completely abandoned except for the occasional Monster-in-a-Box. These fights are hard, and might as well be boss fights if you come here first chance you get. But now we're much stronger, so it shouldn't be that difficult. Anyway, your party could use the items and EXP these fights give, so let's explore. There are three ways to go when you enter: North, East, and West. Let's go North first because there are no enemies there.
First go all the way North and up all the stairs until you're in the throne room. Behind the chair is a secret Ninja Sutra item. Its a joke item that does nothing more than play funny music and make Cecil go "phew". Going up here, it must have been impossible not to notice all the Chests, so let's grab them. Go down to the first floor and through the secret passage in the wall into the right room. The Chest here contains a Hi-Potion. The left room holds nothing, so ignore it. The second floor's Chest cannot be reached on that level. Notice the stairs going up? That's a clue. Go up to the third level and through the East wall and down the secret stairs to find a Gold Needle, Cottage, and Maiden's Kiss. Do the same thing for the West wall to find a Unicorn Horn and Alarm Clock.
Now take the East route, you'll find it takes you to a tower next to the main North entrance. You'll see two Chests on either side here. You can't get the right just yet, but you can get the right. Before the stairs, go right through the wall and into a secret passage that loops around to the Courl Whisker. Now go upstairs. You'll see a switch on the wall, press it. Now you can go up and grab the Chests. They contain two Hi-Potions, and an Emergency Exit. And one of the pots holds Hermes Sandals. To get the last Chest, which is blocked by a hole in the ground, go straight East from the pot and into the wall. There's a secret passage leading around to it. The Chest, unfortunately, is a Monster-in-a-Box. The enemy is two Coeurls and a Lamia. The Courls are your real problem since they can use "Blaster" and do so really quickly. You can lose three party members before you even blink. So here's how you win: attack. Have everybody in the party attack their heads off until the Courls are gone. Rosa can revive anybody who has fallen with "Raise". Then all that remains is the Lamia who counters physical attacks with "Slap", which gives all sorts of status effects. But she'll go down easily if you use the "Focus" trick. "Jump" is useful too. After the battle, equip Kain with his shiny new Blood Lance. That will allow him to absorbs the blood from his enemies - hope its not undead blood. Sadly, the absorption is far lower than in most games, only about 10%. Hop down the hole to reach that room on F1 we could reach before. Ease past the hole to find a Silver Hourglass. Jump down the hole here too.
Down in the cellar, examine the candle you first see to find another pointless Ninja Sutra. Go around the corner and open the Chests on the left to find two Ethers. The one on the right is a Monster-in-a-Box (and I'm aware the game uses "Enemy Amush" to describe this, but I like the old name better). The enemy this time is three Mad Ogres. They all hit fast and hard, but don't have any tricks outside physical attacks. So "Protect" the hold party and sprinkle the enemy with some "Slow" targeting the entire enemy force. After that, have Yang "Focus" and kick so that he can lay down some status ailments, hopefully one of them being Confuse. After awhile you'll beat these clowns, which are certainly easily than the last foes. For winning you get a Silver Apple. I say give it to Rosa since she really needs the extra 50 HP. Go around to the stairs to find that it leads to... the World Map?? Huh? Now that's just silly!
That leaves only the West tower. Go over there to see there are Chest in the rooms. There's a secret passage that leads to the right, but the Chest is actually a Monster-in-a-Box!!! But this is definitely the easiest of the three battles. The enemy is two Skuldiers and a Steel Golem (which is brown, so it must be either rusted steel or actually rock). Since the Skuldiers are ultra weak to Fire, Cecil's normal attack should take care of them real fast. The Golem isn't very special, so killing it won't be much trouble either. Go upstairs to 2F and through a secret passageway in the Southeast wall to find Silencing Arrows and 10000 Gil. Equip those arrows on Rosa. In the Southwest corner there's a nice little secret staircase leading to the room on 1F. That final bit of treasure is a Bomb Core.
With that, we are now totally finished with Elban Castle. Now its time to for you Space Monkies to go to Hell.
The last little town on Earth is located on an island East of Eblan in the Southern ocean. Other than being home to some of the most mediocre shops around, this town doesn't have much. Stock up in the Item Store. Now, let's go treasure hunting. From the entrance, go Northwest until you can enter a little nook going Southeast. In here is an invisible Potion and Phoenix Down. Now go North to the lake, and straight West into a corner where there's a secret Cottage. Go up the steps and head down to some bushes where a Hi-Potion waits. Now go over to the Inn (50 gil, nice and cheap). Go West from the Inn to a house. In the small bush to the South is an Antarctic Wind, in the large bush to the Southwest is a Gaia Drum. You should notice a familiar face inside.
Cheatingway has now gotten a girlfriend who loves pudding, so he's Puddinway now. However, he can't find any, and the only pudding out there is a Rainbow Pudding. I've gone through how impossible the task is to find this stuff before. Sadly, I could never find any and I spent a good hour killing Flans in Antlion's Cave (the best place to look), nothing. So until the day which never comes comes and get I some pudding, the Namingway sidequest at this Walkthrough ends. Maybe if the damn stuff wasn't so fucking hard to find. Complain to Square Enix, not me. Its their fault. I'm not spending thirty fucking hours waiting for a 0.4% drop. I didn't spend hours waiting for the Zodiac Spear to show up in the Henne Mines either in FFXII. Fuck you, Square. I'm not playing your sick little game.
To go the fiery place of eternal damnation where the guy who programmed the Rainbow Pudding drop rate will go when he dies, head up to the well in the center of town. Drop the Magma Stone that Kain gave you in there. Though the object seems small, the result is quite large. Those mountains behind Agart, they FUCKING EXPLODE!! Lava flies up sixteen miles into the air! The entire region is blown apart in a massive cataclysmic disaster! Yet, somehow Agart is complete unaffected. The NPCs are too stupid to notice that an area ten miles wide just was obliterated to kingdom come right behind their front door. DAMN!
Go over to the giant crater and try to land on it. This will take you down to the underworld. As a side note, when you descend into the Devil's Domain, you won't be able to come back up for some time. So as we go "downstairs", the Airship has the misfortune to fall right into a war between the Red Wings and some tanks. First I have to wonder, how did the entire Baron fleet get down here before us? I don't see any other giant gaping holes on the Earth's surface. Also, who was in charge of programming this war cutscene? It sucks, he should be fired. Well, as things happen the Airship takes a bit of a tumble and we fall down onto the charred surface without any hope of escape.
Since we're now in pit, there's a whole new World Map with different music and new enemies to fight. Let's not. Instead, go South a bit to see a familiar sight: a castle. Notably the castles underground look exactly the same as those above. Well, all the castles are the same structure with a different coat of paint, so I guess this doesn't mean anything.
I think its time for a new page now. We're up to 14 kilobytes of code, and that's my new arbitrary stopping point.