- "Not you S.O.B.'s again!"
- —Nanaa Mihgo, archnemesis of the Star Onion Brigade
The Star Onion Brigade is a group of Tarutaru and Mithra children in Final Fantasy XI. They formed in opposition to the perceived misconduct of grown-ups in the Federation of Windurst. They maintain a close watch over the city from their headquarters in Port Windurst and are eager to identify and solve mysteries. Their first rule is to fight for truth, justice, and the onion way.
The Star Onion Brigade boasts at least nine regular members. Most important among them are Kohlo-Lakolo, the Tarutaru boy who leads the group, and Pichichi, a Tarutaru girl who is also the littlest Star Onion. The brigade may recruit adventuring adults if they prove themselves particularly helpful.
The Star Onion Brigade receives reports that Nanaa Mihgo, the "Cat Burglar", has been hanging around an abandoned manor in Windurst Walls. Though they refer to this building as the "ghosty house", it is actually the former residence of Optistery minister Karaha-Baruha, who sacrificed himself to save Windurst during the Crystal War. Convinced that Nanaa Mihgo is planning to break into this mansion, the Star Onions prepare an ambush.
Kohlo-Lakolo crafts stink bombs from wild onions and leads his brigade onto the manor's roof. When Nanaa appears he lobs an explosive from the building and renders her unconscious. The Star Onions run down to tie the burglar up but Pachichi notices something shiny and wakes Nanaa while collecting it. The infuriated thief chases the Star Onions out of the area as Pichichi wonders if she should keep what she had found.
The group convenes later to discuss their failure to apprehend the criminal. Pichichi reveals the sparkling object and her peers correctly identify it as a Mana Orb, a valuable device used to power Cardians. Since such items are strictly regulated by the Manustery, the Onions conclude that the Cat Burglar had dropped it. Emboldened, Kohlo-Lakolo resolves to capture her once and for all.
Nanaa Mihgo finds the brigade first, however. She asks the Star Onions to return the Mana Orb and warns them that a pack of rogue Cardians is also searching for it. The children don't believe her and stubbornly avoid cooperating until Nanaa loses interest. The Onions regard this as a significant victory, although they are briefly confused when Pichichi keeps the Mana Orb to herself and they believe that it had gone missing.
After obtaining an old Optistery ring from an adventurer, the Star Onions charge into Karaha-Baruha's manor and confront Nanaa Mihgo inside. She questions their interest in her and points out that Orastery minister Ajido-Marujido has been breaking much greater rules without reprisal. As the Onions ponder whether they have pursued the wrong villain Nanaa steps outside and locks the door. Teasing the children that they will be eaten by Karaha-Baruha's ghost, the Cat Burglar departs.
The brigade panics at the prospect of being trapped in a haunted house. Fumbling through the darkness they find what seems to be a corpse. Kohlo-Lakolo urges everyone to stay away but Pichichi, reasoning that corpses are safely dead rather than undead, moves in for a closer look. The body absorbs Pichichi's Mana Orb and springs to life. The Star Onions realize that the corpse had been a deactivated Cardian. The resurrected automaton introduces himself as Joker and takes the children outside.
Pichichi wonders if the manor was Joker's home. He has difficulty remembering but is sure that it was not. When the Cardian does not know where he will go next Pichichi tells him to come with the Star Onion Brigade. He therefore becomes the group's newest member.
A new problem emerges when the wealthy Tarutaru merchant who had originally owned the Mana Orb demands its return. The Onions admit that the item was sucked into Joker's body and the trader requests that the Cardian be disassembled. Joker wanders off, however, and adventurers sent to capture him fail to do so.
The Star Onion Brigade forms an elaborate plan to save Joker by fitting him with an "invisible man sticker" made by Pichichi's mother. They no sooner prepare this item than they are set upon by Ace Cardians from the Horutoto Ruins. The Aces threaten to injure the children if they do not return the life of the Cardian leader. The Onions fail to comprehend this request but are saved when Joker arrives.
The Aces immediately defer to Joker and treat him as their king. Joker sends the hostile automatons away and addresses the Star Onions. They are distraught that he would associate with bad guys but he promises to stand with the brigade again one day. Kohlo-Lakolo urges him not to break his word as he departs.
Some time later Joker's Mana Orb is delivered to the Star Onion Brigade. They realize that he is dead and are upset that his promise is not kept. Pichichi thinks that he has returned, however, and is bigger than ever. The Onions turn to see Joker's spirit before them. The ghost announces that he will watch over the children, the city, and all the lands of Windurst. Kohlo-Lakolo replies that they will be watching him as well. He bids Joker never to forget the Star Onion Brigade.
- The Star Onion Brigade is referenced in the name of The Star Onions, a musical ensemble formed by Final Fantasy XI lead composer Naoshi Mizuta.