Here's the true ending of FFV, unmuddled by censors and Square-enix. This is a work in progress, so expect more than what is here now. Also expect numerous curses, all around stupidity, and breaking of the fourth wall. Uoper 12 04:13, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
Charatcers Bartz Klauser - A stupid idiot who does nothing but fight and stare at Faris.
Lenna Tycoon - The silent one who doesn't like to interject that much.
Faris Scherwiz - Pirate, and as such enjoys hitting Bartz, or throwing Bartz into the nearest convinent wall and/or enemy.
Krile Baldesion - Hates all of the "incompetent fools" or "dumbasses" especially Bartz
Exdeath - A grade A A-hole
The 13 Whatever's - Exdeath's something or other's
Galuf's Ghost - Tells Krile what to do
Gigamesh - is awesome
(Bartz, Faris, Lenna, and Krile arrive inside of the Interdimensional Rift.)
(On the Airship)
Bartz - Yes! we're finally abandoning this wreck.
Lenna - Yeah, Cid's work has really plummeted after Mid got eaten by that rouge moogle.
Faris - Aye, it seems to be that them moogles have gotten a taste for blood after that a-hole Exdeath threw their forest into the void.
Krile - But-
Bartz - Shut up Krile! nobody cares.
Krile - (to self) Grr... One day Bartz, one day I will (pulls out Assasin's Dagger) SHANK YOU!!
(Attempts to stab Bartz, but misses and throws the dagger, and then dagger is thrown out of the Rift and hits a passing Chocobo)
Boco - KWEH!! Kweh? KWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!?!?! (rolls over and dies)
(Back in the rift)
Bartz - What was that? sounded like Boco, with Koko? Boco you sly dog you!
Lenna - I don't think he's with Koko, Bartz.
Bartz - What then he's trying to find us?
Faris - (to Lenna) This one's a few pints short of a keg isn't he?
Lenna - (to Faris) Yeah I think so.
Bartz - Faris are you eyeing meee?
Faris - NO! you dumbass, I'm not eyeing you you're eyeing me. (to self) Freakin' idiot!
Krile - (in a pentacle) Oh god of magic Kefka, grant me your powers of destruction so as to destroy these incompetent fools.
Bartz, Lenna, and Faris - WRONG GAME, STUPID!
Krile - Oh, right this is FFV not FFVI
Bartz - Anyway let's get out of this dump.
(dramatic void music plays as the warriors of light enter into the desert region of the void.)
TO BE CONTINUED...
(The warriors of light are now entering the desert in the interdimensional rift)
Lenna - Who knew there was a desert in this place.
Bartz - Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Faris & Lenna - Bartz get off those shifting sands you might hurt yourself!
Bartz - Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, do I have to?
Krile - Yes dumbass, get off there before I hurt you! (holds masamune inches away from Bartz's chest)
Galuf's Ghost - Krile, do it pierce him with Sephiroth's sword.
Faris - Hey, Old man what're you doing here?
Galuf's Ghost - Whoops! Let my guard down, gotta go.
(dissappears in a puff of embarrasement)
Lenna - That was odd...
Krile - Haha! (stabs at Bartz's chest, but he sidesteps and she falls into the sand) Crap!
Faris - Let's keep moving.
Lenna - Hey, looks like the only way we can keep moving is by riding these sands.
Bartz - Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!! I get to ride on the funny moving thingies!
Faris - Ugh.
Krile - Can't I just kill him already?
(The Warriors of Light arrive at a mysterious door)
Bartz - Hey what's through this...uhhhhh...umm.
The 13 Whatevers - Door.
Bartz - Yeah that, the door!
The 13 Whatevers - The only thing through this door is your doom. Haahaa! The second you step through here we'll start kickin' your asses so hard you'll be wishin' you had preperation H.
Lenna - But why?
T13Ws - Haven't you noticed were only seven here you killed that chick, the three dead piggies, Dr. Manhattan, and Harley Quinn, we want blood. Oh and plus the big tree told us to, well see ya on the other side!
Faris - That was ominous...Krile what are you doing?
Krile - (Quickly putting away a shuriken) Sorry...
Bartz - Let's go. Thundercats away!
(Bartz trips and Enter Sandman by Mettallica starts playing as The Four
Drunkards Warriors pass through the door.)
Faris - Bartz stop juggling the crystal shards!
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Note from the author: I'm gonna be on a computer hiatus next week so don't expect any more till Sunday...)
Nice. I've always wanted to do something similar to this. A version of XII where Cloud and Sephiroth team up to kill Vaan and Penelo (awfully short, with no dialogue), a version of the CC ending where Cloud reveals that he was faking his coma all along so that he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of helping Zack. Zack then refuses to give Cloud the Buster Sword, but he takes it anyway ("Yoink!" "You fucking bastard!"), which ends with Cloud making some comments about Aerith, and then running off, before Zack uses the last of his strength to phone Sephiroth in Costa del Sol (the Nibelheim Incident was a massive stunt so that Sephy could fake his death and escape Shin-Ra), and ask him to "Make that fucker's life a fucking misery", to which Spehiroth agree, but is disappointed that he can't stay in Costa del Sol with his Fangirl Legion. Thus setting the stage for VII...
Write that second one!